So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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