i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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