Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
