Everything about him screamed your future.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
