Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize