I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
