then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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