i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
