So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
