so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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