Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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