My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
