so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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