mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
