i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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