I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
