I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
