Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
