Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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