take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
