What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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