Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
