Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
