I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
