he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
