a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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