her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
