You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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