She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
