Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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