The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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