capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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