Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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