R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
