this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
