I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
