I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
