never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
