new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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