In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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