We're facebook friends in real life
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
