Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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