I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize