im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
