Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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