The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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