Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
