SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize