great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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