And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
