I bet he comes in French.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
