Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
