We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
