the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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