my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
