Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dick very happy bro
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
