the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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