She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
