I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
