What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
