I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
