I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize