I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
