I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
