Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
