VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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