I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
