i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
