i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
