Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
