I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A bitchslap is in order.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
